Owning It

For weeks now, I have been trying to figure out what I have been doing wrong when going out with these guys.  How, if I bend over backwords for them, they still don’t like me for who I am?!  Weeks is more like months or years, and I have always heard a similar response from friends and never took it seriously, until now.

BE YOURSELF.

I know. Stupid. It sounds ridiculous.  I mean, who else have you been all this time other than yourself? 

Now, take another look.  Have you ever liked a specific sports team just to impress a guy?  Learned to cook because your crush wouldn’t date a girl without basic domestic skills such as the ability to whip up a pot roast, mashed potatoes and two other veggie sides?  Worn excess makeup because he’s into that? Any one force themselves to read comic books, lose weight or stop doing something you really love just to turn his head?

Sure, making compromises and doing little things to appeal another person is completely okay, but sometimes i think we get a little extreme.  We automatically make these changes for another person to make them happy, but are we happy? 

I will be the first one to admit that I have done all of these things, if not more.  But I have also learned that putting up these fronts, these faces that aren’t the real me, it’s effing exhausting!  And then the minute I am real, the guy acts like he’s surprised. 

Well, in his defense, he is surprised.  He didn’t see this coming at all. The reason he has that deer in the headlights look is because all this time he thought you cooked, didnt eat sugar and loved the J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! –seriously, this is truely annoying.  And not just the chant or the fact that I am NOT a Jets fan, but the fact that I had to pretend for so long.  And now, this weight has been lifted (unfortunately not the muffin top from my waist) and I feel great, but he is no longer is interested.  And for whatever reason, now I am the one surprised.

If we look at this the right way, it would have been so much easier for everyone if I was true to myself from the very beginning.  I have good qualities.  Not to toot my own horn, but I am told I’m awesome on the regular.  And so are you.  It’s time to find someone who sees that from the beginning.  Show them the real you.  Be the real you, and OWN IT.  you’ll find it is not only easier, but it creates a confidence in you that wasn’t there before.  And people like confidence.  Guys and Girls are super into that.

I know I am 😉

 

-E ❤

Married Mark

I ride the NYC subway to and from work every single day.  I see plenty of people, and something i find myself doing when i see a man I find attractive (after determining that he’s probably straight) I look for a wedding band.  This may seem silly, but I think we all need to start doing it. 

I recently went out with a guy who was married but claimed he had an open relationship with his wife.  Now I am not stupid, but I decided to give him the benefit of the doubt and believe him; some people do have these open relationships and marriages and i’m not one to judge.

But for me, I like to have my man to myself.  So needless to say, this relationship ended pretty quickly.  My mother never taught me to share very well as a child, and clearly it has never sunk in since then.  I am a monogomous person and I am okay with that! –again not judging of you are into open or multiple party relations, its just not for me personally. 

For those of you who see the ring and think ‘oh whatever’ or ‘if he’s unhappy with his wife then that’s my gain’, i do judge you.  Just a tad though.  A very good friend of mine has made a habit out of sleeping with married men whose wives are completely unaware of their adulterous husbands.  I love her, I do not judge her, but I do not agree with this.  Part of it is that I wouldn’t want this done to me; I wouldn’t want my guy taking comfort in some other woman’s arms or bed for that matter. 

The other aspect that would keep me from ever doing this is that: bitches be crazy.  How many of those shows on the Investigation Discovery Channel talk about wives killing their husbands and his hussy for cheating.  Sorry for not wanting to be the topic of discussion on an episode of Snapped, but their are cooler ways to die, like in my sleep, or bunjy jumping, thankssssss.

So ladies, let’s collectively stay off the married men.  Find some singles mingles party or the guy on the elevator clearly not wearing a ring or having a tan line from a removed one.   Dating is hard enough as it is, so why are we trying to make it more difficult for the ones who have already found a match? And please!….give me your thoughts on this.

</3  E

PS below is something more of my style :

Broke Brian

Friends can be a great source for meeting potential significant others.  However, if they try and do the set up themselves, it doesn’t always work out.

You think your friends would know you well enough to know who is a definite yes or no for your dating pool.  This just in: they don’t.  I love my friends dearly, I do, but they have no clue what I am truly looking for.  Take this guy, Brian, for example.  Sexy as hell, killer watt smile, rode a motorcycle. Checks all around, right?  Wrong!

Brian is living in the attic of his friends place, is 29, works at a plumbing hardware store, and doesn’t know how to use the internet.  I guess this is why I didn’t meet him online   -_-    In addition to these fine qualities, I paid for my own meal.  Now I don’t want to seem stuck up, I ALWAYS offer to pay my portion. But it gets better!  He ran out of cash for his own meal. YEP!  That’s kind of where I draw the line. 

Now I had had a few drinks and he was just so darn hot that I did indeed let him kiss me come the end of the night.  He was an amazing kisser.  This killed me. 

I don’t want people to think I am this awful gold-digger of a girl, believe me when I say that finances are less of a deal breaker for me.  But ambition is important and clearly this guy was not going anywhere.  No incentive to even pay for his own meal.  And there you have Broke Brian.