Tag Archives: Dating

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Owning It

For weeks now, I have been trying to figure out what I have been doing wrong when going out with these guys.  How, if I bend over backwords for them, they still don’t like me for who I am?!  Weeks is more like months or years, and I have always heard a similar response from friends and never took it seriously, until now.

BE YOURSELF.

I know. Stupid. It sounds ridiculous.  I mean, who else have you been all this time other than yourself? 

Now, take another look.  Have you ever liked a specific sports team just to impress a guy?  Learned to cook because your crush wouldn’t date a girl without basic domestic skills such as the ability to whip up a pot roast, mashed potatoes and two other veggie sides?  Worn excess makeup because he’s into that? Any one force themselves to read comic books, lose weight or stop doing something you really love just to turn his head?

Sure, making compromises and doing little things to appeal another person is completely okay, but sometimes i think we get a little extreme.  We automatically make these changes for another person to make them happy, but are we happy? 

I will be the first one to admit that I have done all of these things, if not more.  But I have also learned that putting up these fronts, these faces that aren’t the real me, it’s effing exhausting!  And then the minute I am real, the guy acts like he’s surprised. 

Well, in his defense, he is surprised.  He didn’t see this coming at all. The reason he has that deer in the headlights look is because all this time he thought you cooked, didnt eat sugar and loved the J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS! –seriously, this is truely annoying.  And not just the chant or the fact that I am NOT a Jets fan, but the fact that I had to pretend for so long.  And now, this weight has been lifted (unfortunately not the muffin top from my waist) and I feel great, but he is no longer is interested.  And for whatever reason, now I am the one surprised.

If we look at this the right way, it would have been so much easier for everyone if I was true to myself from the very beginning.  I have good qualities.  Not to toot my own horn, but I am told I’m awesome on the regular.  And so are you.  It’s time to find someone who sees that from the beginning.  Show them the real you.  Be the real you, and OWN IT.  you’ll find it is not only easier, but it creates a confidence in you that wasn’t there before.  And people like confidence.  Guys and Girls are super into that.

I know I am 😉

 

-E ❤

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For-Now Francisco

Sorry fo the MIA guys, but I’ve been a bit pre-occupied 😉 . Between a promotion at work and the holidays, things have been hectic for sure!  But in the mean time, I have also been around someone of the male persuasion and it was definitely interesting.

I had met Francisco a few times before in the bar and around town.  He plays recreational football with my older brother so I normally ran into him at games or the bar they all went to after games.  Now, my brother is much older than me, but Francisco, well he is 21 and adorable as can be.  He’s young, innocent, still in college, and boy when you kiss him he is suddenly eager as ever!

End of November rolled around and I just happened to be in that local bar when Francisco walked in.  Not only did we chat but he pulled me outside for a hot make out sesh against a car! Mind you, it was FREEZING that night! The evening went on with that fun and eventually I went home but not before he practically begged me for my number.  Not even 3 minutes into my 15 minute drive home and he was already texting me when would he see me again.  I hadn’t realized how amazing I was I guess because for the rest of the week he kept asking, which turned into the next month, and now it’s January and he still wants to see me.  Now of course, I am bored so I oblige some of the time–when it suits me.

Some of you may be thinking now that I am stringing poor Francisco along. I’m Not.  We have been totally straight with one another that this is just something to do.  He has flat-out told me he doesn’t want a girlfriend.

So even though I still haven’t found my Prince Charming (for lack of a realistic term for LOML) I have certainly found something [one] to do in the mean time.

Hey, everyone has needs.

-E

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Elevator Excitement

As I have mentioned in previous posts, I work in the amazing New York City.  As great of a city as it is to become a star, it’s number one on Cosmo’s list of Top Ten Worst Cities to meet men.  It doesn’t help that of the three men I work with closely in my office, two are gay and the third is married.  So aside from running into the available homeless man in the underground subway of Time Square, my options are limited.  Finding places to meet guys has become increasingly more difficult, especially with online dating.  you don’t naturally meet people anymore, you simply read their profile.  And if technology doesn’t say you’re a match (in fact a site ive used literally uses a percentage to tell you how much of  an enemy someone is), then it must be true?

I, as well as some of my friends, have mentioned meeting men in real life seems like a better option.  But this is SO difficult since people are on facebook, twitter and tumblr.  You want a man? Now you can pin your desired qualities in Pinterest.  #Ridiculous!  So to meet men in my daily routine, I’ve come up with some creative options:

NYPD in the subway: Rush hour they are always around, especially in the high traffic locations like Columbus Circle, Union Square, Penn Station and Time Square.  I know cops have a bad rap, but being a cop takes dedication and they aren’t all that bad looking. Plus, in the city there is so much diversity so you have a pretty broad spectrum to choose from.  Plus, cops are pretty good looking and they need to have an eye for detail, which means they pay attention…for the most part–please do not hold me to this!

Elevator Exceitment:  I work in a high rise (as most of the buildings in a city are) and i am on the 16th floor.  I have run into some dashing men in suits while making coffee or lunch runs.  This is great because people tend to be routine about breaks–they usually take lunch at the same time or afternoon snack and early morning coffe all consistantly around the same time.  You could ALMOST plan your run-ins to these guys. And since the trip between floors can be a few minutes, conversation can easily be started.  Another thing that’s great about these guys, you can easily see them here and there, but since you don’t work with them, you never have to spend the entire day with them.  This gives the flirtation time to build: a reason to miss someone, if you will.  So next time in the elevator, throw a wink and a smile as that cutie from the 12th floor gets on.

Starbucks:  This is probably cliche, but this is a great way to meet a match.  You clearly have something in common: caffeine addiction.  Not that the type of coffee shop matters (you can conversate anywhere these days), but if you meet a man in a starbucks, for me it sends the subliminal message ‘I am willing to spend the extra dollar for something I want’.  Now, this feature has both negative and positive qualities, but I choose to see the good in it.  In NYC, the lines at these places can be crazy long so it gives you plenty of time to say hello.  I once watched a guy pick-up my friend in line at starbucks.  And because he wasn’t creepy about it, he eventually asked for her number.  They’ve been together for almost three years now.

No matter where you meet people, there is always an opportunity around the corner.  A simple smile is all it takes to spark someone’s interest.  So go for it…smile in the subway, on the elevator, and maybe he’ll buy your next latte.

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Oh, we’re “ish” . . .

I’d love to live back in the 60’s when a guy simply asked a girl “go steady” and that was that.  He wasn’t seeing anyone else, and neither was she. 

There was a guy I was seeing and I wanted to DTR so I asked him where we stood. 

He said – word for word – “Oh, I’d say we’re . . . ish.”  After noticing the completely perplexed look on my face, he decided to explain the new dating term. 

“Yeah, ish.  Like blueish greenish”

So you are comparing our relationship status to the color of a crayon?

This is what level men — and i am sure girls are doing the same — are stooping to?!  To avoid saying “would you be my girlfriend” they beat around the bush with countless terms used to describe what level in a relationship you are in. 

A word of advice: if you aren’t ready to make a commitment, why not keep it simple and simply go with “hey, i like you but I am not ready to jump in full force”.  If whomever you are with isn’t willing to wait at least a short while, they are not worth it anyway.

Much ❤ . . . E

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Broke Brian

Friends can be a great source for meeting potential significant others.  However, if they try and do the set up themselves, it doesn’t always work out.

You think your friends would know you well enough to know who is a definite yes or no for your dating pool.  This just in: they don’t.  I love my friends dearly, I do, but they have no clue what I am truly looking for.  Take this guy, Brian, for example.  Sexy as hell, killer watt smile, rode a motorcycle. Checks all around, right?  Wrong!

Brian is living in the attic of his friends place, is 29, works at a plumbing hardware store, and doesn’t know how to use the internet.  I guess this is why I didn’t meet him online   -_-    In addition to these fine qualities, I paid for my own meal.  Now I don’t want to seem stuck up, I ALWAYS offer to pay my portion. But it gets better!  He ran out of cash for his own meal. YEP!  That’s kind of where I draw the line. 

Now I had had a few drinks and he was just so darn hot that I did indeed let him kiss me come the end of the night.  He was an amazing kisser.  This killed me. 

I don’t want people to think I am this awful gold-digger of a girl, believe me when I say that finances are less of a deal breaker for me.  But ambition is important and clearly this guy was not going anywhere.  No incentive to even pay for his own meal.  And there you have Broke Brian.

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Jail Bate Johnny

Just to clarify, I did NOT go out with an underage boy.

I met Johnny off Tinder, this extremely shallow site that is pretty much based off looks and a booty call.  The upside to this is never having to get suckered into a date with someone you are not attracted to.

Background:
Johnny was 18, going on 19 and ready to attend his FRESHMAN year of college.  He was going away for school so the potential for this being something real was slim to none.  Adorable, sweet, and attentive, Johnny was probably perfect boyfriend material–he even wanted a relationship. 

The Date:
We went to this little Italian intimate place about half way between each of our homes.  He inhaled his food and was also on his phone texting the whole time.  Now. this bothered me like no other.  However, based on things he said, I knew these actions were because of his maturity being on a much lower level than mine as opposed to how he felt about me. I could tell throughout the date that he was enamored by me for whatever reason.  i mean, I consider myself attractive, but this kid was like ‘you’re so cute, you’re so amazing..’ on and on. Like, ‘okay, lil buddy, i get it, you’re into me.’  After dinner we went for a walk around the small area we were in.  Now, I live in New york and work in Manhattan, so im obvi one of those people who crosses when the big red hand is flashing to not cross.  So as I start to scamper–yes I said scamper and you loved it–across the street with Johnny, the red hand begins to flash.  At this point he begins to say “oh crap, oh crap, oh crap…” repeatedly until we make it across. In my head I am thinking, “what are you, freakin’ five?!”

I did kiss Johnny at the end of the date because in all honesty, I did have a good time.  He was sweet and paid for my dinner and expressed how he wanted to see me again, so there was no real need to deny him a kiss 😉

Post Date:
Johnny asked to meet up both days the weekend following our date–both of which were cancelled last-minute by myself and then him.  He then mentioned that he wanted to see me when he came home from school on breaks.  As adorable as this was, I told him okay while having no intention of ever seeing him again.  Truth be told, even though I didn’t have a bad time, I did learn that 18/19 is too young for me at age 23…hence the his name, Jail Bate Johnny.

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Rant On Chivalry

I interject your entertainment of dating fools with a rant.  I apologize in advance, but something must be said!  This applies to all aspects of life, not just dating. 

As women, we tend to lean on the side of chivalry being dead… gone… kaputs.  Whenever this point is brought to the attention of a man, they see it as when they try to be chivalrous, it’s thrown in their face by female independence. 

I can see where the men are coming from in regards to all this independence stuff but gentlemen, you still need to out some effort in.  Open the door and let us walk in first; open the car door for us, then walk around and let yourself in; let us have he last empty seat on the subway; buy us flowers, I don’t care if they are dandelions from your apartment buildings wannabe-garden.  The dictionary states: chivalry is the qualities idealized by knighthood, such as bravery, courtesy, honor, and gallantry toward women.  KNIGHTS for cryin’ out loud!  Men with far less intelligence were able to figure this out.  Also, another news flash for the men, women are more likely to get with you if you have something to offer.  Showing a girl you can be her knight in shining armor–this does not mean show up on a white horse–can really get you far.  And if a girl were to SEE you treating other random women (holding the door open for a complete stranger), well this just makes us all warm and fuzzy inside.

HOWEVER

Ladies, I am ALL about independence and not having to rely on anyone else, but this is a just in case scenario.  For example, I am only 5’1″ so things that are in high up cabinets can be difficult to reach.  Sure, I can totally climb on the counter and get it myself, but a man needs and wants to feel important and that he matters and something as little as helping me reach something on an out of reach shelf does that.  It makes him feel manly–go figure.  another thing is to let him open your beer or soda.  I know you can do it, he probably knows you can do it, but it allows him to “rescue” you and be the knight you wanted.

Overall: Guys, you need to put way more effort in on this stuff.  chivalry is not dead, it’s just hibernating and it needs to be awaken like asap.  And Ladies, if your man is putting effort in with something like chivalry, you need to recognize it and be grateful for it.  Do not take each other for granted.  Or chivalry! Don’t take chivalry for granted.

…End of Rant

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